What is choice?

Of all the topics I shun abortion is at the top. People take sides so easily and the topic gets out of hand so quickly that I just avoid, avoid, avoid as much as possible. As with many topics I think the real issue often gets missed and sensationalism wins.

Recently in The Wall Street Journal's poignant review of a book titled, "Unnatural Selection: Choosing Boys Over Girls and the Consequences of World Full of Men" they hit the nail on the head.

The WSJ says:

Despite the author's intentions, "Unnatural Selection" might be one of the most consequential books ever written in the campaign against abortion. It is aimed, like a heat-seeking missile, against the entire intellectual framework of "choice." For if "choice" is the moral imperative guiding abortion, then there is no way to take a stand against "gendercide." Aborting a baby because she is a girl is no different from aborting a baby because she has Down syndrome or because the mother's "mental health" requires it. Choice is choice. One Indian abortionist tells Ms. Hvistendahl: "I have patients who come and say 'I want to abort because if this baby is born it will be a Gemini, but I want a Libra.' "

Read the full review yourself: The War Against Girls

Men and Jane Austen

While discussing events for our singles group we came up with this great idea that the women get to pick an event for the men to do and the men for the women. Whoever gets the most attendees would win the other gender cooking dinner for them.

First the women in the room started talking of ideas for the men. Watch Jane Austen movies? Good idea. Getting facials and pedicures? Also a good idea. Go to a tea room for a tea party? Perfect. A stereotypically 'girly' event that even involves food and nothing that would be particularly offensive to anyone.

Then we switched to the men trying to pick something for the women to do. Watch horror movies? Sure, many women do that anyway. Play football in the mud? Again, several in the group not only would do it but already had. Go to a heavy metal rock concert? Sure, that's K's favorite music genre.

We ended in a quandary since the women seemed willing to do anything the men suggested but not vice-versa. I am still processing what this means but I do find it intriguing. It does seem true that within our society women have culturally embraced many things that are stereotypically (whether right or wrong) 'men's things' to do. But men have not, and have at times even been pushed away, from embracing things that are 'women's things' to do.

I don't want to argue that women and men are the same. But, the situations listed above really come down to personality and interests. Who cares if a man watches Jane Austen? It doesn't make him a women or any less of a man. Just as how women playing mud football doesn't make them less of a women.

Temporary marriage

Let's continue looking at our view of marriage. If we view marriage appropriately we should, hopefully, view singleness appropriately.

In This Momentary Marriage theologian John Piper says:

I am declaring the temporary and secondary nature of marriage and family over against the eternal and primary nature of the church. Marriage and family are temporary for this age; the church is forever. I am declaring the radical biblical truth that being in a human family is no sign of eternal blessing, but being in God’s family means being eternally blessed. Relationships based on family are temporary. Relationships based on union with Christ are eternal. Marriage is a temporary institution, but what it stands for lasts forever.

You can find a the book available for free from the Desiring God website.

The myth perpetuated in much popular level thought is quite the opposite of this truth. Many Christians I talk with don't realize that marriage is temporary. Marriage does not exist in heaven.

Jesus states in Matthew 22:30 after being questioned by the Sadducees regarding who's wife a woman will be in heaven who has had several husbands that, “'You are deceived, because you don’t know the scriptures or the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.'”

I am not arguing that marriage is not important. It teaches us a great deal about ourselves and God and is God's way of showing us a fundamental truth about His love for us. Marriage holds the promise of both love and covenant-keeping, both two fundamental aspects of God. But, on the flip side, then, singleness can teach us about hoping and waiting for the love and covenant-keeping truth of marriage. Currently, while we know the Church is betrothed to Jesus, we are in a period of hoping and waiting. We are not in the final marriage state. We have not participated in the wedding banquet and fully entered into the final state.

As theologian John Stott says, “If marriage is good, singleness is also good. It's an example of the balance of scripture that, although Genesis 2:18 indicates that it is good to marry 1 Corinthians 7:1...says that 'it is good for a man not to marry.' So both the married and the single states are 'good;' neither is in itself better or worse than the other.”*

*(Albert Hsu's Singles at the Crossroads gets in depth into the topic of singleness. Hsu's interview with John Stott on singleness is in the appendix and a great read.)

Marriage as?

In God's Joust, God's Justice, law historian John Witte Jr. explains that, “the Western tradition has...viewed marriage in at least four perspectives.” He goes on to list the four as contract, spiritual association, social estate and natural institution and that throughout different time periods and different denominations an emphasis has typically been placed on one perspective at the expense of the others. And he continues later saying,

“A single perspective on marriage – whether religious, social, or contractual – does not capture the full nuance of this institution. A single forum – whether the Church, state or the household itself – is not fully competent to govern all marital questions.”

If we truly merged all of these perspectives and considered them when we married what would looking for a spouse look like? What questions would be on Eharmony? What would premarital counseling look like? If we even equally balanced two or three of these perspectives how would that change our approach to marriage?

Foundation of society?

I believe a key issue in not understanding singleness properly is that we do not understand families properly.

Our culture sees brokenness all around us and traces the root cause back to "broken families" -- so then we try to fix these broken families. It's true that many issues stem from divorce and single parenthood. But just because brokenness stems from those issues we can't assume that if we fix those issues there will be no more brokenness. This seems to be the myth often believed by strong proponents of the nuclear family argument.

The foundation of society should be Jesus -- it should be loving God and our neighbors above all else. That's the foundation. Humanity is marred by sin and always will be in this life. Nothing can change that. Only the Gospel can begin the healing work that needs to occur to improve society -- that is the foundation of society, not the stereotypical current American cultural idea of family.

In Families at the Crossroads by Rodney Clapp he states:

In books, and on radio and television...evangelical family champions worry over a fairly consistent list of concerns. They criticize public schools for suspect curriculum and teaching methods. They note alarming divorce rates. They decry movies, music and television programs that frighten children and expose them to explicit sex and violence. They abhor the spread of the gay rights movement and the rise of feminism. They place in opposition to all these things what they call the “traditional,” biblical” and even “natural” family—the nuclear family consisting of a heterosexual couple and their children, in which the husband and father is the breadwinner and the wife and mother manages home and childrearing.

Then he goes on to state,

What evangelicals call the “traditional family” is in fact the bourgeois or middle-class family, which rose to dominance in the nineteenth century....”

This may be the first time many have heard a statement like this. More to come in the next blog entries.

Single pastors?

Recently The New York Times published an article, "Unmarried Pastor, Seeking a Job, Sees Bias". The title is fairly self-explanatory. If you take the time to peruse job postings for pastoral openings you will often see 'married' listed as a requirement. Should this be? As the article starts to hit on, it seems that much of the reason for this tends to be based on irrational fears rather than rational or even theological stances.

In my bible study last night we looked at Titus 1:6 where it talks of elders being 'the husband of one wife'. This passage, and similar ones such as in 1 Timothy 3:2, traditionally frame the argument for a pastor, or elder, being married. To jump right to my interpretation: This is not a commandment that one must be married but that if you are married you are faithful and if you are not married you are faithful in that.

Much more can be said on this topic (and I plan to do so through this blog). You can see several other responses from Christian leaders here:

Albert Mohler: Must a Pastor Be Married? The New York Times Asks the Question

Justin Taylor: On Bias Against Single Pastors

At Internet Monk: Single? Need Not Apply

Full disclosure: Here is my point

Many in the pews of evangelical churches today do not realize the Bible teaches on singleness. Not only that but much popular thought of evangelical scholarship and mainstream media today focuses on family--on 'one man, one woman' and on pushing Christians to get married younger instead of waiting. What do we lose as the Church by ignoring the state of singleness? If marriage is symbolic and a shadow of our future with Christ then singleness would also hold value of the same illustrative nature. What singleness then should do is teach us about waiting, expecting and hoping--all things the Church is called to do now. Exploring this concept will not only encourage those who are single today but encourage the Church as a whole as we learn to live during this time before Christ's return.

Through my posts on this blog I hope to unpack this statement.